My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.