and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.