And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?