I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.