I cannot find my penis.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...