Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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