he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
