my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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