Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
