There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
