Already got asked if we're dating
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
