he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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