1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
