just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
