when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
