Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
