I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
