I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
