I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
