THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
