Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
