I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
