i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
