My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
