Well apparently he's into motor boating.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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