My first STD was from a foam party
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just pee around me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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