Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
