We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
