She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
