Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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