eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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