i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The uberlube is also flammable
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
