I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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