Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
