and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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