No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
