i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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