you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
