Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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