Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
