I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
