I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
