you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
