I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
