I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
