my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
