Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
