I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
