Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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