I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
