she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
