do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
