Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i came on her dog
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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