i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
