she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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