The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
