God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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