i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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