I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
