he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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