We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
