The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
