Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Soap is not a condiment
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
