It's Friday. Sex?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
