It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
