I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
