College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She even gives head with a lisp.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
