kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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