It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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