were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
