Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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