I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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