Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
